


Rain Of The Crash

by starkerplx



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Caring Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Crash Landing, Depression, Fever, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt James T. Kirk, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, James T. Kirk Has Issues, Jim and Bones alone, M/M, McSpirk - Freeform, Panic Attack, Pre-Slash, Protective Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Shuttlepod crash, Sick James T. Kirk, Sick Leonard "Bones" McCoy, Sickfic, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Survival, Swearing, Whump, mckirk - Freeform, spirk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2020-03-26 08:24:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19002028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starkerplx/pseuds/starkerplx
Summary: Jim and Bones crash onto a planet whilst on a diplomatic mission, will they survive? Not everything is as it seems.ORThe angsty sick fic you've ever read





	1. The Rain

**Author's Note:**

> I've decided to re-evaluate my writing style and I'm back with another slash fic! Tell me what you guys think, is this a better style? Also I signed up for creative writing as my minor, so hopefully next year I'll be an even better writer lol.
> 
> Also sorry guys I always rush into the "action" ;) next chapter will be briefly abroad the enterprise and the crash landing.

Jim startled awake to his head pounding, which was _never_ a good sign. He grimaced in pain as he brought his hand up to his head to check for an injury, however, it was hard to tell if there was- or had been any blood considering it was raining, he was completely drenched top to bottom and it didn’t look like it was going to let up anytime soon. He let out a small sigh as he pulled at the collar of his uniform trying to loosen it up, it was disgustingly humid, the air was thick and hard to breathe. He tried to sit up to better orientate himself but instead sharply drew a breath as a shooting pain from his ribs struck him, defeated he laid back onto the mud-covered ground and reached for his comm, only to find it missing from his belt. Ugh, why did he have the worst god damn luck in the world?

This is certainly not how he’d imagined his day going this morning, as this was just meant to be a simple diplomat mission to meet with the ambassador of the alien species Salvuru. The federation had insisted on sending their flagship to create good relations with the newly discovered species and whilst Jim didn’t particularly like the Enterprise being used for such missions since it was clearly only for the publicity, it was, unfortunately, part of the job. But of course, a simple mission like this would end up going wrong in all ways possible for him.

Firstly the transporters experienced some kind of malfunction so they’d had to take a shuttle-pod, which put them a couple of hours behind schedule because of course, this planet would have dangerous atmospheric layers which were constantly changing and needed to be manually accounted for, which by the way apparently turned out great and then the fact that he’d basically had to beg bones to get onto the shuttle because of his aviophobia and why he had to come you might ask? Because the Salvuru held “healers” in high regard and had insisted on meeting Enterprise’s chief medical officer, much to the delight of bones who had argued “I’m a doctor, not a diplomat!” Speaking of bones- A surge of panic ran through him, where was he?

He tried to look around but he couldn’t see much from his position on the ground and the constant shower of rain against his face wasn’t helping. What was left of the shuttle-pod appeared to be a few meters away, but he couldn’t see if bones was over there, he could only hope that his friend wasn't dead. His attention was drawn back to the fact that he was unbearably hot, like worse than the middle of summer in Georgia kinda hot, he was surprised the rain didn’t evaporate immediately upon contact with his skin. Realizing how thirsty he actually was he opened his mouth to let the cool drops embrace his tongue, god he probably looked pathetic like this. If bones was here he’d probably get mad at him for drinking the rain without testing if it was safe, which led to his next concern; maybe it was the heat or the possibly toxic rain but his vision was fading and he was starting to feel light-headed. It might actually be less embarrassing if they find him unconscious, the famous Captain James T. Kirk found stranded in a filthy muddy puddle because of a couple of broken ribs, yeah that did not sound like something he wanted anyone to find out.

His thoughts were interrupted by harsh coughing somewhere to his right side, he strained his neck to get a better look but could only make out a hazy blue figure climbing out of what he recognized as the tail end of their shuttle-pod. It must be bones! He let out a sigh of relief and thanked the gods for keeping his best friend alive, at least he had some luck left on his side.

“Bones!” He croaked out, his throat was dry and hurting but he had to alert the man where he was, luckily McCoy seemed to have already spotted him as he heard the squelch of his boots in the mud heading towards him.

“Jesus Jim, are you okay?”

Bones quickly knelt down beside him and began checking him over, apparently, the medical tricorder was also lost in the crash as he was opting to run his fingers expertly over his body, checking for injuries, if he wasn’t hanging on to his consciousness by a thread he might have made a joke about being felt up. Bones ran his fingers across his ribs causing him to winch in pain, the doctor mumbled out soft apologies in response.

His eyelids were beginning to feel incredibly heavy but he forced them to stay open, he had to see if bones was alright, his vision was blurry but he could make out bone’s concerned face filled with worry looming over him, as far as he could tell bones was fine. _Unless he has internal bleeding._ The thought was completely irrational but it gave him anxiety, he tightly grabbed ahold of bone’s wrist. “Bleeding?”

“You’re not bleeding Jim, just a couple of cracked ribs as far as I can tell without my tricorder”

Jim shook his head, it was getting hard to form words, he was so damn tired. Bones gave him a look of concern before somehow managing to comprehend what he was trying to say, god if anyone could understand him it was bones, how did he always seem to know what he wanted to say? Maybe it was a doctor thing? But the doctors back on Tarsus IV when he was a child never understood him, always poking and prodding him even though it hurt…. Bones wasn’t like that, he was gentle and caring, he was almost sure it was a divine mistake that he had ended up friends with him, he didn’t deserve this kindness from anyone.

“If you’re asking about me, I’m fine. Well as fine as someone with aviophobia who was just in a shuttle crash could be. Worry about yourself first for once!”

After hearing those words he stopped fighting to keep his eyes open and relaxed a little, bones was fine if he had the energy to complain. He felt the older man’s hand brush away the hair that had become plastered to his face from the rain, his cool touch felt nice against his clammy skin. He was greeted with a disapproving tut from bones as the calloused hand was placed against his forehead.

“You’re burning up Jim, try to stay awake for me”

He could hear Bone’s voice was filled with worry and he hated that. He hated when people were worried about him, he didn’t want anyone to care, it was a sentiment from his childhood that still haunted him even into adulthood. Despite his grievances he tried to stay awake for bone’s sake, however, he found himself succumbing to falling into an eternal pit of darkness, his entire body began to grow numb and distant. The sound of the pounding rain was starting to be drowned out by a low ringing noise in his ears, he could hear bone’s voice but it sounded extremely far away, it was almost a whisper and the words were incomprehensible to his feverish mind.


	2. The Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooow sorry for the delay in getting this up, I lost some motivation but here it is!

Jim and Bones were on their way to the transporter room to beam down to the newly discovered planet Salvoor. Just a simple meet and greet, indulge the ambassador for a few hours and then they could go back to their everyday routine aboard the enterprise. Playing diplomat for the night wasn’t his favourite thing to do, but it had to be done and the sooner they got down there the sooner it would be over with and hey at least bones would be with him to keep him company.

In the turbo-lift down he had felt a headache starting to form and he was beginning to feel a little overheated, but it was nothing he couldn’t brush off for the mission. Besides it was probably from drinking late last night with bones, the guy really could handle his drink and he didn’t like to be outdone. Speaking of which, bones was side-eyeing him right now with a concerned look on his face “Out with it bones, what is it?”

“Nothing captain, you’re just looking a little green around the gills is all. Sure you didn’t drink too much last night? I can give you a hy-” There was a hint of smugness to his voice.

“I’m fine bones” He didn’t need bones sticking him with hypo’s right now, he unconsciously rubbed at the side of his neck in memory of the last time that happened. Luckily bones seem to decide that he wasn’t going to dig any deeper, much to his relief. Instead, he clapped a firm hand onto his shoulder.

“Now I highly doubt you will but- if you’re not feeling well, let me know. Okay Jim?” His smugness was gone from his voice now and was only filled with genuine concern.

“Yes doctor” He remarked with a dismissive grin as they entered into the transporter room. He knew he sure as hell wasn’t going to mention anything unless he was on his death bed.

They were greeted by Scotty laying underneath the transporter control station, surrounded by loose wires and a mess of tools, if his finest engineer was in here then there must be a problem. “What is going on here Scotty? We need to beam down to Salvoor in 10 minutes”

“Sorry Captain, I’ve bin tryin’ tae fix this blasted thing for at least an hour but am nae havin’ any luck. The damn planet’s atmosphere sent off some kin’ ay discharged an’ has knocked out the transporter conduit. Am sorry tae say this but I think you’re gonna have to take a shuttle”

“I ain’t taking no damn shuttle! Those things are death traps” Bones chimed in. Jim was taken back to when he first met bones, the man’s intense fear of flying was practically the reason they met each other in the first place, the flight attendant had forced bones to sit down next to him, he wished he could thank that woman.

“Is there really nothing else you can do? Starfleet command isn’t going to be happy to find out about us being delayed and as you know, the doctor has a distaste for shuttles”

“Aye Captain, I’ve given ‘er my best shot but I’m gonna need more time tae fix the damn thing”

“Very well, have shuttle-pod 2 ready for us in 5 minutes and tell Spock to let the Salvuru ambassador know we will be delayed”

“Aye Sir” Scotty hurried out of the room.

He let out a quiet frustrated sigh and ran his fingers through his hair before looking over at bones, who was looking less than pleased at his decision. “Come on bones, it won’t be so bad. You know I’m a good pilot!”

Bones had already crossed his arms in an act of defiance “I’m simply not getting on that thing, sorry you’re going to have to go without me”

He let out more audible sigh this time “Don’t make me have to order you bones. You know the Salvuru practically worship healers and they only agreed to this meeting because you were going to be there. If not for them, then for me? Please?”

The doctor rolled his eyes and shook his head in disbelief “I can’t believe I’m going to say this. Fine, I’ll go on the damn shuttle-pod! I swear- the things I do for you….”

Jim let out a grin in response, he really hadn’t wanted to explain to the Salvuru about not only being late, but his “healer” not being there as well. He knew this was a big deal for bones, it’s not easy to face your biggest fear, especially not when it’s suddenly sprung upon you. He should give him a bottle of Romulan ale as thanks later “Thanks Bones, you’re the best” Bones rolled his eyes and gave him a curt “I know”

***

As they entered into the shuttle bay he noticed Bones was taking deep breaths and murmuring under his breath “Relax Bones, you know I was the top of my class! I won’t let anything bad happen to you” He shot him a cheeky grin and a wink as they walked over to their shuttle, he hoped joking around might distract Bones a little.

“Oh yes, that fills me with so much confidence” He replied sarcastically

“You can sit in the back if you like, no windows”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way”

Just before Jim could get into the shuttle his comm signal went off.

“Captain, I have notified the Salvuru of your delay as you requested. I’d also like to inform you that the planet’s atmosphere is currently highly volatile due to a large storm and the fact that this planet’s atmospheric layers change frequently, I’d advise against flying into it.”

Spock was being diligent as always. But he didn’t have time to wait out the storm, Starfleet command would hand him his ass on a platter if this meeting didn’t go well. Bones was going to have to endure some turbulence, he felt bad about it but this was his duty after all.

“Can the storm be manually maneuvered through? I’m assuming the shuttle guidance system will be down”

“Yes Captain, Howev-”

“Then that’s what we are going to have to do then Spock”

“Captain”

He could practically feel Spock glaring at him even through the comm. Even if he is half Vulcan, he totally still cares about him. God why does everyone worry about him, he can take care of himself.

“We’ll be fine Spock”

There was a reluctant pause before Spock responded.

“Yes Captain, please be careful”

He clicked his comm shut and got into the pilot’s seat, Bones had already situated himself into the back of the shuttle.

“Buckle up Bones, it’s gonna be a rough ride”

“that’s exactly what I DON’T want to hear”

“Don’t worry, just a little storm is all”

“It better be or I swear to god I will haunt you for the rest of my life”

Jim let out a laugh, he really did hope it would only be minor turbulence, his headache was getting worse and he didn’t need to be shaken about or yelled at eternally by bone’s ghost.

“This is shuttle-pod 2 to the bridge, we are ready to take-off. Please open the shuttle-bay doors”

“Acknowledged”

***

The magnetic storm surrounding the planet had been rough, but he had managed to manually account for it and get them through relatively smoothly, much to bone’s surprise. However as soon as they had entered into the planet’s atmosphere the storm awaiting them had felt like it was going to crush them in one fell swoop. The wind was whipping around the shuttle threatening to rip them apart, he wasn’t even sure if they were flying any more or were just being thrown around. This was very quickly becoming his nightmare.

“Captain to Enterprise, come in Enterprise. We need assistance”

All he got in response was a loud crackling sound, looks like comms were down which was no surprise. They were now flying blind with no sensors and no enterprise to help, he was having trouble controlling the shuttle as they were being jolted side to side, he chanced a look behind him and saw bones death gripping his harness with his eyes clenched shut.

“Jim! What is going on!” Bones was having to shout to be heard over the storm outside.

“Sorry Bones! the storm is stronger than I thought, I’m trying to compensate”

Suddenly a loud metallic tearing noise cut through the thundering storm and all the warning lights started blaring.

“WHAT WAS THAT JIM”

He quickly scanned his eyes over the panels flashing red in front of him, trying to find the source of the problem.

“It looks like the aft thruster has been torn off! We are going down!”

“JIM I CAN’T DO THIS”

His heart was beating a million miles per hour now, he was trying to guide the shuttle down hoping to lessen their imminent crash, would they even survive at this speed? God this had been a stupid idea, he had risked bone’s life just because he didn’t want his career on the line, now they might not even live to see tomorrow. Bones was swearing and yelling at him, he deserved it more than anyone.

“YOU CAN, JUST BRACE YOURSELF”

“ENTERPRISE, COME IN. WE ARE GOING DOWN, I REPEAT, WE ARE GOING DOWN”

The viewscreen cleared for a few minutes as they exited the worst of the storm, he could make out a large jungle-like terrain below which they were rapidly free-falling towards. He hoped the trees might slow their impact.

“JIM!”

Was the last thing he heard before his ears were assaulted by the horrendous sound of metal grinding as they smashed through the treetops. He slammed against his harness which tore open under the pressure and he found himself being roughly thrown out of the now shattered viewscreen. His body collided against what he thought was solid ground, but the pain was too overwhelming to be certain, he blacked out.


	3. Fever

Jim could slowly feel his consciousness returning to him. He could hear the rain pattering against a metallic object yet it wasn’t reaching him, he must somehow be in the shuttle again. His muscles ached all over and he could feel his cheeks flushed with the fever now ravaging his body, he didn’t have the energy to open his eyes but he didn’t need to as someone or something was softly tugging his eye open and a bright light encompassed his entire vision, he let out a distressed whine and tried to pull away.

“Relax Jim, I’m just checking if you have a concussion”

He recognised bones gruff voice and he relaxed a little, that’s right bones had found him earlier….

“Bnes” He practically whimpered, why did he have to be so pathetic?

“Shhh you’re okay, I’ll give you a hypo for the pain okay? You need to rest your fever has gotten worse”

He gently nodded his head in agreement and slumped back against what felt like something rolled up to make a makeshift pillow, he heard bones shuffling through what he presumed to be the emergency medkit before he returned back to his side.

“I’m going to administer the hypo now, you might feel drowsy”

He was glad for the warning as he felt bones swiftly press the hypo against his neck and heard the all to familiar hissing sound before he returned back to the darkness.

 

***

When he awoke again the rain had stopped. He opened his eyes to find he was in-fact in what was left of the shuttle, he had no idea what time it was or how long he had been unconscious. The shuttle was enveloped in darkness and the gaping hole from being ripped in half was covered by an emergency blanket, there was only a faint light seeping in through the edges. He gathered that it must be somewhere in the early morning. Turning his head to his left he found bones sleeping next to him, he was covered in dirt and sweat with a few cuts and bruises adorning his face. God, they were lucky they both survived, this was all his fault, how could he drag his best friend into this situation? Even worse, they could still die if they weren’t found soon.

His ribs weren’t feeling as bad and his fever seemed to have gone down a little, he’d been through a hell of a lot worse on Tarsus IV anyway. Being as careful as possible not to disturb bones he haphazardly stumbled out of the shuttle, maybe it was the fever making him delirious but he had suddenly decided that bones would have a higher chance of survival without him, he knew there was barely enough food in the survival packs for two people and he was using all the medicine on him, it was a “logical decision” as Spock would say…. He staggered into a random direction hoping to get far away enough that he wouldn’t be found, maybe he could find a nice hole to crawl up into and just die. He didn’t make it very far before he heard bones calling his name in the distance, shit he must have woken up. He collapsed to the floor in defeat, he was going to be found.

“Jim! Jim!?” The voice was getting closer

“Over here bones”

“My god Jim, I thought you had been kidnapped. What are you doing out here in your condition!?”

“I….. I don’t know”

Bones looked concerned and knelt down beside him which made his stomach twist, why does he care so much. Jim took one look at his worried face and crumpled onto bone’s lap.

“I just thought you’d be better off without me”

“What are you talking about Jim? I need you, the crew needs you, this whole damn universe needs you!”

Hot tears started to roll down his cheeks, he couldn’t remember the last time he had cried let alone in front of bones.

“I don’t deserve it”

Bones sat in confusion at his statement, running a hand through Jim’s hair to soothe him. He seemed to be gathering the words he wanted to say.

“Look I don’t know where this is coming from Jim, but you deserve to be Captain of the Enterprise. I know how many hours you put in at the academy and all those late nights, I was there remember?”

“Why do people care about me?”

Bones forced him to sit up and grabbed him by the shoulders, looking directly into his eyes. He tried to look away but bones grabbed his chin and held it in place, he looked so tired and concerned it hurt him to look.

“Because we love you Jim and our love is unconditional, no matter what you do we will be there for you and you are just going to have to accept it. You hear me?”

He silently nodded his head once in response, all he wanted to do was sleep, everything felt crazy and mixed up right now, he couldn’t think straight. Bones must have picked up on this as he pulled Jim’s arm over his shoulders and put a firm hand onto his waist to hold him steady.

“Come on, let’s get you back. I’m not gonna carry you this time”

He leaned heavily against bones for support as they silently walked back to the shuttle. When he was finally back on his make-shift bed he realised just how cold it had gotten, he was relieved to find it wasn’t just him as Bones began to pull out the other emergency blanket.

“Why the hell is it getting so cold, I thought this was a jungle!”

“Spock said the atmospheric layers on this planet change frequently, it must cause extreme weather”

“Oh great that’s just what we need”

“I’m sorry bones….”

Bones let out a sigh and unfurled the blanket over Jim “Don’t apologize, Jim, It’s not your fault”

“But it is. I’m the one who insisted we come down here, even though I knew the risks” He clenched his fists in anger, holding back tears.

“You had to make a choice and that’s okay. Starfleet are too damn hard on you, if anything it’s their fault”

He disagreed, he didn’t think it was Starfleet's fault, but he decided not to argue.

“Here, sit up for a moment and eat this” Bones handed him a ration bar and a bottle of water.

“It’s ok, I’m not hungry” He wasn’t sure if he could stomach it, besides they should save rations.

“Jim you haven’t eaten in over 24 hours, please just eat it so I don’t have to worry about you”

He reluctantly took the ration and water from bones who had already peeled back the wrapper for him, he cautiously took a small bite which seemed to awaken his stomach, damn he was starving. Even though the ration was pretty tasteless, it did the job of satisfying his hunger. As he was sipping his water he noticed Bones was shivering, he didn’t have a blanket.

“Bones, come under the blanket”

“Huh? No I’m fine, you need it more than me”

“Please? So I don’t have to worry about you” He let out a weak smile, using bone’s own words against him. “Besides there is enough room to share” He lifted the blanket inviting him to lay beside him, the blanket was small but certainly enough for two people to share if they huddled together.

“Alright, but only because I’m freezing my ass off”

Bones climbed in next to him, practically spooning him. He wanted so badly to turn around and nestle into the warmth that had joined him, but he knew he couldn’t. He startled a little as Bones unexpectedly put his hand onto his forehead.

“Still have a fever I see, at least you’ll keep me toasty warm”

He let out an amused snort before settling into the newfound warmth behind him.

“G’ Night Bones”

“I’m pretty sure it’s daytime now, but get some rest. Don’t go wandering again”

He let out a hum in response as he was already half asleep. Just before he fully fell asleep he heard Bones whisper into his ear.

“ _I need you, so stay alive idiot”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm wow this chapter suddenly became full of angst.


	4. Nightmares

Jim awoke back on Tarsus IV locked in a cell, he was a kid again. How could that be possible? Everything had felt so real…. fuck, the so-called “scientists” must have given him a hallucinogenic drug, of course, he wasn’t the captain of Starfleet's flagship he was just a pathetic kid and bones….. Bones must have been a figmentation of his imagination, his need for someone to rescue him. He thrashed at the chains bounding his hands and feet together and screamed at the top of his lungs, making a guard slam his cell door open.

“Shut the fuck up!”

The guard slapped him across the face, splitting his lip open, before kicking him in the stomach. He spat on the guard’s shoes in return.

“You little shit. I’m gonna make sure you’re next!”

He picked Jim up by his collar and dragged him out of his cell, he kicked as hard as he could in protest but the guard simply slammed him into wall of the cell lined corridor.

“If you don’t stop resisting I’m gonna break those precious little legs of yours, not that you’re gonna need them anytime soon” The guard smirked as Jim gave up. He yanked him towards a door at the end of the hallway and swung it open to reveal a medical bed in the middle of the room, Jim’s eyes went wide with fear, he didn’t want to be here he had to get away, he pulled the guard’s arm down with his chains and bit him as hard as he could.

The guard struck his face in rage and sent him flying, before roughly pulling him up by his hair and throwing him onto the bed. Before Jim could regain his senses the guard was already tying him down to bed.

“LET ME GO!”

“ _Jim”_

“Not gonna happen, the bosses wanna have fun today and I think you are the perfect candidate”

Another guard came into the room and started holding him down, he struggled as hard as he could but he couldn’t break the grasp the guard had on him.

“FUCKING LET ME GO”

“ _Jim wake up”_

The guard started shaking him and his voice became distorted.

“Jim! Wake up!”

The world around him disappeared and he was left facing Bones, who was gripping him tightly as he gasped for air, tears were streaming down his face.

“B-Bones?”

“Shhh It’s okay, you were having a nightmare”

He let himself be pulled into an embrace, Bones rubbed his back soothingly as he sobbed onto his shoulder. He was glad Bones was real, because he didn’t know what he would do without him. After a few moments, he had calmed down and pulled away, ashamed of his display of weakness.

“Want to tell me about it?”

He hesitated, rubbing the blanket between his forefinger and thumb, reassuring himself that it had just been a dream.

“I was back on tarsus IV….”

He had never told Bones about what he experienced on Tarsus IV, but everyone knew about the massacre and the horrors of the event. Bones looked at him with sad knowing eyes.

“It’s okay, I just have these dreams sometimes…. I’m sure my fever isn’t helping”

Bones nodded in agreement, not pushing him to talk about it any further. “Speaking of which, how are you feeling?”

“My ribs still kinda ache, but I don’t feel as weak as before” He let out a sigh, he did feel weak mentally though.

“Good, I was thinking of going out while there’s still daylight and seeing what I can scavenge from the crash, maybe find the emergency beacon. But I need to know you are going to be okay if I leave you, I’ll give you another hypo for the pain before I go”

Jim suddenly remembered the words bones had whispered into his ear the night before. He wanted bones to stay, it was still cold outside and he would miss the man’s warmth beside him, but if they were going to survive then they needed to get in contact with somebody, they couldn’t stay here forever after all.

“I’ll be fine Bones, Promise” He gave him his best grin to try and reassure him.  
Bones gave him a doubtful look “Jim I…. Nevermind now isn’t the time”

Jim cocked his head to the side, he was curious about what Bones had wanted to say.

“Just for the love of god stay here, I’ll be back in a couple of hours and don’t forget to eat something” Bones pulled back the blanket and got to work gathering up the supplies he would need and pulled on his boots that he had abandoned earlier to get into bed. Once he was done packing he grabbed a hypo from the medkit and knelt down to administer it to Jim.

Jim tilted his neck to make it easier for him and only slightly flinched as the hypo hissed. Bones gently rubbed his finger over the entry site before shoving a ration bar into his hand.

“and if I don’t come back, DO NOT come looking for me. Stay right here where enterprise can find you.”

“But you will come back, right?” Jim grew anxious at the thought of Bones not returning.

“I don’t know what’s out there Jim, but I’ll try my best. Can’t leave an idiot like you alone out here by yourself can I? Wouldn’t be able to call myself a good friend or doctor if I did”

He grabbed Bone’s hand as he turned to leave “Bones….. just be careful. If anything looks risky then don’t do it”

Bones let out a small laugh “Do you know how many times I’ve told you that? Don’t worry about me, I’ll be back before you know it”

Hearing that comforted him a little bit, he let go of Bone’s hand and laid down again, wrapping himself in the blanket.

“I’ll be waiting” He shot him a playful grin

“Ah! I almost forgot, I found your comm near you after you passed out. It doesn’t seem to be working, but maybe you can fix it. I’ve been unable to contact enterprise through mine”

Bones rummaged through his pocket and pulled out the comm, it looked pretty beaten up. He handed it to Jim, pressing it firmly into his hand.

“If you get it working then check in with me.”

“I will”

“Well I better be going now…. again, don’t do anything stupid”

Bones seemed hesitant to leave, glancing back before stepping outside. He listened as Bone’s footsteps got further and further away, It was only then that he realised just how alone he was, it was eerily quiet on this planet. He instantly started working on fixing the comm, mostly to distract himself, besides it wasn’t like he had anything else to do seeing as he promised to stay put. He also secretly really wanted to surprise Bones and have some kind of way to contact him.

***

The sun had started to set outside by the time he had finished, he proudly flipped the comm open, relieved to hear the familiar comm tone come through. It worked! Realizing that the ration bar was still laying uneaten next to him he snapped it shut and put it aside, although he desperately wanted to try and call Bones, he’d be mad at him if he found out that he hadn’t eaten first. He quickly ate the bar and then grabbed his blanket and newly fixed comm, he took them to the shuttle’s entrance and pulled back the blanket that had been draped over the entry.

He was amazed to find the world was now covered in a thin layer of snow, with small flakes still softly falling to the ground, it was a strange sight to see tropical jungle plants covered in snow. He shivered and pulled his blanket around his shoulders, his breath was creating small clouds of vapor in the air. He hoped bones was doing okay in this weather, he better check in with him. The comm chirped as he flicked it open.

“Bones this is Jim, can you hear me?”

He was met with a long silence, maybe he hadn’t fixed it after all. Or maybe Bones was in trouble? He sprung to his feet ready to go looking for bones. Thankfully he was pulled from his thoughts by a crackling noise coming from the comm.

“I can hear you, sorry my hands were full. I found some useful stuff, I’m on my way back now. Are you alright?”

He let out a sigh of relief as he settled back down again “I’m fine bones. When do you think you’ll be back? It looks like it’s gonna be dark soon, plus this snow doesn’t look like it’s going to stop anytime soon”

“I’m pretty close, maybe another 15 minutes”

“I’ll keep an eye out for you then, see ya soon”

He snapped the comm shut and pulled the blanket tighter around himself, the temperature was rapidly dropping, the snow had picked up in pace and was becoming reasonably deep. He impatiently scanned the tree line looking for a sign of the other man appearing.

***

After what felt like forever he saw the familiar blue cladded figure appear in the distance, he was dragging a large metal object along behind him. Jim rushed to put on his boots and ran over to Bones.

“Bones!”

It was as if time stopped as Bones dropped the metal object and suddenly collapsed without warning. Jim managed to catch him in his arms before he hit the ground.

“Bones? Bones! What’s wrong?”

He grabbed bone’s hand to find it was freezing cold, his cheeks and nose were flushed red, his breathing was labored. He quickly put his hand to Bone’s forehead. Fuck. He has a fever. He swiftly lifted him into his arms, ignoring the protest of pain coming from his ribs. He walked as quickly as he could back to the shuttle, the snow preventing him from going any faster.

Once they were back in the shuttle he laid Bones down onto the bed, Jim wrapped him with the blanket that he had been wearing that same morning. 

“Come on Bones, don’t die”

What should he do, fuck! Everything was his fault, Bone’s must have gotten sick from him and it’s his fault they are on this planet and why does everything always have to go wrong!

“Bones can you hear me? You need to tell me what to do, how can I help you!” His voice was trembling.

“J-Jim…..”

“What is it? Tell me!”

“R-red hy….”

He instantly rushed to the medkit and pulled out a hypo with red liquid in it. God, he hoped this was the one he meant. He put it against Bone’s neck and promptly injected him.

“Was that it Bones?”

Bones shook his head in confirmation and took his hand.

“S-stay…..”

“Of course I will Bones”

He grabbed his comm “Captain to Enterprise, Come in” He wasn’t surprised when he was met with silence, but maybe they would be able to trace the signal. 

“ _I’m so sorry Bones”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I had to. Hopefully this chapter wasn't too boring! I feel like there's gonna be some serious angst in the next one.
> 
> Also my longest chapter so far!


	5. Contact

He had stayed up the whole night, afraid that if he fell asleep that something would happen to Bones. The man’s body was no longer freezing cold next to him, instead, it was consumed with the same fever that Jim had experienced only days before, his skin was almost too hot to touch, radiating an uncomfortable amount of heat. Jim had torn off some of his own shirt and wrapped snow inside of it, applying it to Bone’s forehead to try and cool him down, it was all he could do and he felt helpless. He wondered if this was how Bones had felt when he had found him in the same condition

He brushed away a few stray hairs from the man’s face, admiring how relaxed he looked sleeping, he rarely got to see Bone’s like this. Whenever he thought of Bones he always imagined him worrying or stressing over him. The guilt began creeping in again, he’d been so stupid so overly confident, of course, the universe was putting him back in his place.

Suddenly his comm began repeatedly chirping next to him. Did it break again? He grabbed it and curiously flicked it open.

“En...te...pr..se…..to….ca..pt..ain”

His heart skipped a beat, they’d finally managed to make contact with the ship.

“This is the captain, your signal is not clear, please repeat”

There was a pause before the message was repeated, coming through more clearly this time.

“This is the enterprise to the Captain, Spock here”

He was glad to hear that damn Vulcan's voice. He knew Spock must have been working day and night to find them, he wasn’t the finest first officer on the fleet for nothing and somehow he had a natural ability at being able to find Jim, no matter the circumstance.

“I’m glad to hear your voice Spock. Are you able to beam us up?”

“Currently the transporters are unable to penetrate the storm on the planet’s surface. Mr. Scott has informed me that he should have them sufficiently working by this evening. Tell me, captain, what is the condition of Dr. McCoy and yourself?”

“I’m doing fine, but Bones is in bad shape, he needs urgent medical attention. The shuttle is beyond repair but we have shelter….. How did you manage to find us?”

“The emergency beacon picked up two lifeforms nearby last night, we are currently using it to amplify our comm signal to reach you. You must be in the vicinity of it, no?

So that’s what Bones had brought back with him, the beacon! It was still abandoned outside in the snow, but it had apparently been close enough for enterprise to find them. Bones had probably just saved both their lives, god he deserved more than that bottle of Romulan ale.

“Ah, yes. McCoy brought it back with him last night. Please keep me updated, we need to get him out of here”

“Yes Captain”

He let out a sigh of relief, they were getting out of this hell hole “You hear that Bones? We’re gonna get out of here” Bones didn’t respond as he was still asleep, at least he hoped he was just asleep and not unconscious, there was that irrational anxiety again. He lightly nudged bones “Are you still with me?” Bones grunted and rolled over and that was a good enough answer for him.

 

***

 

Jim must have fallen asleep at some point out of pure exhaustion, he found himself curled up next to Bones. He was getting used to sleeping next to him, it was comforting and it made him feel safe, but he shouldn’t get used to it because it’s not like Bones was going to start sleeping in his bed every night once they were back on the ship, hell he didn’t even know if he could face him once they were back on the enterprise, he’d fucked up big time and he was sure Bones wasn’t ever going to trust him again.

Being careful not to wake Bones, he got up and peeked outside the shuttle’s entrance, it was now midday judging on how low the sun was in the sky. Luckily the snow had finally stopped, leaving everything buried in a thick layer of white powder, he hoped they got off the planet before the next drastic weather change. His comm beeped on his hip, Spock always did have impeccable timing.

“Captain here”

“The transporters should be working within the next 3 hours Captain. How is Dr. McCoy faring?”

“It’s hard to say Spock, he’s just been sleeping this whole time. I’m worried about him”

“I would suggest trying to get the doctor to ingest some fluids. However you needn’t worry captain, you will both be back aboard the ship within a few hours receiving expert medical care”

Somehow Spock had a calming influence on him, perhaps it was the certainty and confidence in his voice.

“Thanks, Spock”

“I have not done anything captain”

He smiled, he was sure Spock had understood what he had meant. His friendship with Spock was almost as deep as it was with Bones, they didn’t need words to get a message across.

“Anyway, keep me updated. I need to tend to McCoy”

“Yes Captain, I will inform you of any changes”

He snapped the comm shut and headed over to the emergency ration box, he pulled out the last bottle of water and knelt down beside Bones, sweat was dripping from his forehead and his breathing was still uneven “Bones wake up, you need to drink something” Bones scrunched his eyes shut tighter and groaned “Too…. Tired” He mumbled.

“They always say doctors are the worst patients. I don’t want you to get dehydrated” He let out a small sigh “Come here” Jim positioned himself behind Bones, his legs wrapping securely around him to help support him, he pulled him up onto his lap so that Bones could rest against his chest. He unscrewed the bottle cap and lifted Bone’s chin up towards him, he gently pressed the bottle against his lips and smiled when he drank greedily at the water “See? I bet you were thirsty” Bones only let out a small "hmpf" sound in response.

After finishing the water bottle, Jim put it aside and wrapped his arms around Bones. He didn’t know where the urge came from, but he felt like he had to, a sort of protectiveness. He laid back against the cold metal wall of the shuttle and let Bones drift back to sleep in his arms. If anything happened to Bones because of him…. His chest tightened, he couldn’t bear to think about it. It’s fine, the transporters will be working in just a few hours and everything will go back to normal, but did he want things to go back to “normal” This feeling he was developing for Bones… Maybe it could be more? Perhaps it shouldn’t though, Bones didn’t need to deal with even more of his shit. He’d hide it away and pretend it never happened, it was for the best.

 

***

 

The next few hours passed relatively quickly. Jim spent it admiring Bone's face, enjoying his warmth against him, he loved the way he drooled slightly onto him in his sleep and at some point had even entwined his fingers with his. It was probably the last time he would be so close to him like this, his heart ached thinking about it. He sighed as his comm chirped once again. It was over.

“Hey Spock”

“Captain, the transporters seem to be fully functional. However, we will need to beam you back one at a time, due to another incoming storm”

“Beam back McCoy first”

“Yes Captain”

He watched as Bones was surrounded by the familiar yellow lights and disappeared from his lap, leaving him feeling oddly empty.

“Did he arrive okay?”

“Yes Captain, he is being taken down to sickbay as we speak. Prepare yourself to beam up”

He felt himself being transported but something was wrong, he was flickering between both places, the beam disappeared and he found himself back in the shuttle.

“Report, What happened?”

“Sorry Captain, it looks like there is another malfunction. You will have to wait out the storm before we can make another attempt, do you have enough resources left?”

“It’s fine Spock, at least McCoy is out of danger. I will be alright”

He lied. There was only one ration bar left and the water was gone, but this was the universe’s way of punishing him, wasn’t it? He wasn’t allowed to go back to his ship that easy, he had to suffer more and he had to do it alone. He let out a small laugh when he realised Bones had beamed back with the blanket too.

“Captain….”

“I said I will be fine”

“Yes Captain. I’ll report back as soon as the storm has passed”

He was left with the silence, why was this damn planet so silent! No birds or insects, they probably couldn’t survive the severe weather changes now that he thought about it. He curled up into a ball in the now quickly growing dark shuttle, just like old times he thought to himself as he fell asleep shivering.

When he awoke yet another storm was raging outside, making the blanket on the door whip violently in the wind. Fuck it, he was done with everything right now, what did it matter if he got a little wet? He walked out of the shuttle into the rain, it had made quick work of melting the snow from the previous day. He was soaking wet within seconds, he sat down into the mud right where he belonged.

“Are you happy now?” he said out loud, talking to whatever asshole deity that kept torturing him.

“JAMES T. KIRK GET YOUR IOWAN ASS BACK TO ENTERPRISE, YOU SELF SACRIFICING IDIOT.”

For a moment he thought he had pissed off another ancient god, before realizing it was his comm on his hip yelling at him.

“Captain! I insisted he stay in bed, howe-”

“LET ME TALK TO HIM POINTY EARS”

“Bones?” The mental image of him fighting Spock for the comm was a little funny, he had to admit.

“DON’T YOU “BONES” ME. REMEMBER WHAT I SAID? I MEANT IT”

He thought back over the past few days, that’s right… Bones had said he needed him to live.

“I hardly qualify sitting in the rain or staying behind as life-threatening”

“You’re sat in the rain? I leave you alone for less than 24 hours and you are already sacrificing your health? If you get sick again I’m not healing you”

“I’m fine! I was just… cooling down”

“Don’t you lie to me, I can see it’s only 7°C on that planet!”

“AND YOU, you better get the captain back aboard this ship within the next hour or so help me” Bones had redirected his anger at Spock, the poor guy.

“We are working as hard as we can to accomplish that”

“WELL WORK HARDER”

“I can assure you both that the storm is predicted to clear within the next hour, if you simply had waited you would have been informed in approximately 10 minutes and 43 seconds”

He heard Bones grumbling in the background, probably throwing more insults towards the Vulcan before he heard this voice again.

“Jim be safe, ok? Get out of the damn rain and let me remind you, I don’t like being kept waiting!” He heard more grumbling before the comm was handed back to Spock.

“I am sorry about that Captain, I have made sure that he has returned to sickbay. As I said, this storm should clear within the next hour and Mr. Scott has ensured me that we will be able to beam you back this time”

“Thanks again Spock”

“Please do be careful Jim”

His heart almost skipped a beat, Spock had used his actual name? That was rare. He hated that they were still worrying about him but maybe it wasn’t so bad? Ugh, being on this planet was giving him a lot of confusing feelings.

“How many times do I have to say it! I’m fine”

“Even if you are “fine” Captain, you can still take your safety into consideration”

“Yes yes, I doubt anything will happen anyway this planet is practically deserted”

“About that Captain, there is a critical matter I must discuss with you once you are back aboard the Enterprise”

“Great”

“Of course you may take leave first and recover from this incide-”

“That’s not what I meant. I’m just….. tired” He ran his hand through his wet hair, pulling himself up from the ground and stalking back to the shuttle.

“Understood Captain, I suggest you get some rest”

“I don’t think I can rest any more than I have the past 3? 4? however many days it’s been Spock. I’m just gonna wait for you guys”

“Understood, we will beam you back when the transporter is ready”

“Thanks”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long (A whole week guys) I had so many ideas and I actually wanted them to both be back aboard the enterprise at this point but WELL the story took another turn. There is a lot more angst to come but also romance in the next chapter hopefully.
> 
> Thank you all for waiting so patiently!


	6. Migraine

Jim spent the next hour sat in the shuttle, watching the rain outside steadily come to a complete stop, the only sound remaining was the remnants of water dripping down from the canopy. He had eaten the last ration bar during his wait, but his stomach was now turning and his head was pounding again, he most likely was dehydrated seeing as he hadn’t had anything to drink in almost 2 days now, he would never get a break huh?

His thoughts drifted away from the pain and instead to Bones, somehow he always managed to make him feel better and it wasn’t just the fact that the man wielded hypo’s like his life depended on it, because sometimes he didn’t need a hypo, sometimes all he needed was his company. But he wasn’t here right now to help him and he wasn’t going to bother him ever again.

When he got back he was going to just lock himself away for a few days, he’d use his illness as an excuse if he had to. He needed to get his head straight and Spock could deal with any bullshit that came from Starfleet, he was so fucking tired of constantly being shit on.

As he pressed his head against the refreshing cold metal of the shuttle, he was interrupted by a sharp shrill coming from his comm.

“Prepare to beam aboard, Captain”

Yellow lights dizzily swirled around him. They had always reminded him of the fireflies he used to see on late summer nights, when his uncle would kick him out of the house and he’d have to camp outside. During that time he would gaze at the stars, knowing one day he’d have his own ship; a place that he vowed to make a home for himself and his future crew.

He stumbled as he materialized onto the transporter pad, landing into the arms of Spock, who had apparently been waiting for him.

“Are you alright Captain?”

He blinked trying to bring Spock’s face back into focus, his vision was filled with black spots and the room was spinning “I’m fine, I just lost my balance for a second” He pulled himself away from Spock and tried his best to act like he wasn’t going half-blind.

“You should head down to sickbay to be checked over, Captain”

“I’m going to my quarters” He mumbled as he brushed past Spock and headed towards the corridor, Spock abruptly grabbed his arm and stopped him from leaving.

“Let me go Spock”

“Captain…. At least let me accompany you to your quarters. I can see that you are not in-fact “fine”

He let out a sigh, he didn’t have the energy to get rid of the persistent Vulcan “Ok” but he made no attempt at moving, instead he gripped the nearby door frame to keep his balance. Spock put a hand onto his shoulder

“Jim?”

“Just give me a few seconds” He took a deep breath before releasing his grip on the door frame. Spock kept a firm hand on his shoulder as he guided him to his quarters, as much as he wanted to complain he didn’t think he could walk straight without the help.

When they reached his room his legs almost immediately gave out from under him, ugh why couldn’t he have held it together for just a few more minutes, then Spock wouldn’t have had to see him like this. Spock caught him swiftly under his arms, as if he had been expecting him to collapse this whole time, thankfully he didn’t embarrass him by picking him up into his arms; which he knew would be no effort at all with his Vulcan strength. Instead, Spock gently guided him into his room, helping him into his bed.

“Lights 15%” Spock spoke softly.

The lights dimmed down, the new-found darkness gave him a considerable amount of relief from the throbbing in his skull “Thanks ‘Pock”

“It is of no problem Captain. However, it would give me peace of mind if you saw a doctor”

“I really don’t want to waste anyone’s time, I only need to sleep it off anyway”

Spock raised an eyebrow and opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Jim’s door chime repeatedly going off. Jim groaned and Spock starting walking towards the door to find out who dared to disturb the captain.

“Medical Override protocol McCoy-2-2-5-8” The computer announced as the doors swished open, letting in the harsh light of the corridor.

“WHY WASN’T I INFORMED THAT JIM WAS BACK?” McCoy stormed into the room heading directly over to Jim’s bedside, slamming a medkit down onto the nearby nightstand.

“Doctor, I did not wish to interrupt your rest as you are still not fully recovered from your illness”

“I DON’T BLOODY CARE IF I WAS _DYING_ , YOU WILL ALWAYS INFORM ME ABOUT THE CAPTAIN”

“I will keep that in mind for future reference”

“GOOD!”

“Can you guys stop fighting for 5 seconds, I think my head might explode” They both turned to look at Jim, seemingly forgetting that he was even there.

“I apologize captain, I will leave you in the capable hands of doctor McCoy” He could have sworn he saw Spock smirk as he said that, that damned Vulcan is a traitor. Spock turned and swiftly left the room, leaving them both alone in the darkness.

“I’m not sure who is worse, you or that green-blooded hobgoblin” Bones grumbled as he pulled out a medical tricorder from the medkit.

“Sor-”

“Don’t apologize dumbass. Just stay still for a second” Bones ran the tricorder over him, frowning at the screen “You’ve got a nasty migraine and you’re dehydrated on top of that” he pulled out a couple of hypo’s from the medkit and immediately administered them before Jim could even let out a word of protest “I swear, It’s impossible to leave you alone without you getting sick or injuring yourself”

He flinched as he was injected with the hypo’s, then relaxed back down onto the bed. The migraine almost entirely vanished within seconds, but the knot in his stomach was still there; that look of concern on Bone’s face…. Why did it twist him up inside?

“Bones-” He didn’t get to finish his sentence or thought, as he noticed Bones had suddenly started to sway dangerously next to his bed, threatening to collapse onto the floor. He grabbed the man’s wrist tightly and pulled him towards himself, resulting in bone’s falling directly on top of him in a heap on the bed.

“Oomphf! Why’d you do that for!”

“You looked like you were going to pass out, I didn’t want you to fall and hit your head on something”

“I wasn’t going to pass out! I just got dizzy for a second”

 _Huh, Déjà vu_  thought Jim. He rolled them both over, so that he was now on top of Bones and put a hand to the man’s forehead.

“You still have a slight fever I see” Jim smirked.

“How the hell did the roles get reversed here?”

Jim let out a laugh and flopped down besides Bones “You know, I didn’t expect you to come see me”

“You thought I wouldn’t come to see you, after all, that we just went through? You must be out of your mind”

He felt a lump forming in his throat as he focused intently at the ceiling tiles, not wanting to face Bones “But you should hate me? I mean- I forced you to come onto the shuttle with me, even though I know you hate them to death and then it crashed because I couldn’t get it under control, which means I put you through your worst nightmare! Then you got sick, probably because of me too, because I didn’t tell you that morning that I felt like shit and because of that you had to deal with me-”

“Jim” Bones rolled over onto his side and pulled him into an embrace “you’re an idiot sometimes you know? But you’re my idiot” Maybe it was because he was so god damn tired or maybe because someone was actually truly caring for him but he burst into tears, embarrassing ugly ones that he’d normally never let anyone see.

He pushed his face closer to Bone’s chest as he felt his back being rubbed soothingly “Bones is something wrong with me? Why do I hate when people care about me?” he said through sobs.

“Shhhh, there’s nothing wrong with you Jim. To be honest, It’s quite normal in people who had not-so-great childhood’s”

“My childhood sucked” He rarely talked about his childhood with anyone, but he trusted Bones not to tell anyone else, to not hurt him. He continued before Bones could say anything.

“A part of me thinks my mother hates me, you know, because of my father’s death on my birthday. She never really was around when I was a kid, she left us with my abusive asshole of an uncle whilst she was out exploring space, said it made her feel “close” to him, my dad that is”

He paused, checking to see Bone’s reaction, only to find he was listening closely to him

“Sam left when I was barely a teen, said he couldn’t be a true “Kirk” with my uncle around; I don’t blame him, he took the brunt of the abuse. On that day I think I snapped, I couldn’t take it anymore either, so I stole my father’s vintage car that had been sat in our garage for years, my dickhead of an uncle was planning to sell it behind my mother’s back. Anyway I stole the keys and I drove it off the edge of a canyon, I don’t know what my plan was honestly. I think maybe I was going to drive off and just end it all, but at the last moment I jumped”

The man looked shocked and slightly horrified to hear that his captain had once tried to commit actual suicide. Bones gently took his hand and squeezed it, giving him the strength to continue.

“After that, my mom took me to Tarsus IV with her and it was nice for a while. But then-” He started taking shuddering breaths, it felt like he was choking, his eyes began to sting with red hot tears.

“Shhh It’s okay Jim, you don’t need to force yourself to tell me. Just take deep breaths” Bones ran his fingers through Jim’s hair as he tried to collect himself.

“I’m sorry for dumping this onto you, I’ve never told anyone and-”

“No more apologizing okay? I’m really glad you told me all of this. You can tell me the rest when you are ready”

Jim nodded as he let out a small yawn, he hadn’t realized how exhausted he actually was. He gripped Bone’s shirt in his hands as he now struggled to stay awake “Stay?”

“I’m not going anywhere Jim, get some sleep. Hell we both need it”

Bones drew him closer again, wrapping him into a protective embrace. He was so glad to be able to feel his warmth against him again.

“G’Night Bones”

“G’Night Jim”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh It's been almost another week since I posted my last chapter, unfortunately I don't know when the next one will be coming since I will be going on vacation next week. Sorry guys for any delay!
> 
> Also I started writing this chapter with a migraine so I may or may not have inflicted Jim with one too. I also dislocated my right shoulder on the second day of writing this so that's also why it took a little longer to write out. Forgive me!
> 
> I ended up including a little bit of Spirk (because I can't resist) and all the angst.
> 
> LASTLY, shoutout to Voiid_Vagabond (Saturn_the_Almighty) who has been live commenting on my story on their Instagram, check them out! @voiid.vagabond


	7. Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the HUGE break (almost 5 months) I was gone for so long and then I started to feel like I lost my place and my feelings for this story. To be honest this story was a way for me to vent and helped me get through a dark time in my life and hey the dark times are back so I’m here again. For everyone who is still here reading, I hope this story helps you too and thank for your sticking with me, this next chapter is for you <3

Jim shot awake in a panic, forgetting where he was for a second, only to find himself laying next to Bones. He rolled over to check his alarm clock, it was still early in the morning, around the same time that he would normally get up for his shift on the bridge. With a yawn, he carefully got out of bed and stretched his aching limbs, before stumbling his way over to the bathroom in the dark. He didn’t want to turn on the lights and wake up Bones, the poor guy really needed to get some rest.

“Good morning Captain” He was greeted with as he entered the bathroom.

Spock was standing in front of the bathroom mirror fixing his uniform, he had clearly just gotten dressed as his hair was still a tousled mess from sleep. He secretly enjoyed that he was the only one who got to see Spock this way, a disheveled half-awake Vulcan was a rare but pleasant sight. But seriously who decided that the captain and first officer would have a joint bathroom? “Shit. Sorry Spock I didn’t realize you were in here”

“It is of no problem Captain, I was just about to leave for my shift on the bridge. I presume Dr. McCoy checked you over thoroughly?

“I just needed some sleep that’s all” He half deflected the question.

“I see” Spock said whilst adjusting his hair.

“Hey mind if I join you on the bridge today? I need to shower first and stuff, but then I’ll come up”

“I am not opposed to the captain being on the bridge, as long as you are in good health”

“Great, then I’ll see you in 20 minutes or so”

“Until then Captain” Spock looked like he didn’t quite believe him, but turned to leave anyway.

Was he avoiding Bones? Maybe. It was kinda embarrassing that he spilled his entire fucking childhood to the poor guy. He needed to think and the best place to think was the bridge. He hopped into the shower, opting for a sonic one rather than water. He actually preferred water but it would have been too loud and his goal was to sneak out his room without Bones noticing.

With that in mind, he quietly grabbed a change of clothes from the bathroom closet and entered into Spock’s room instead. He had only been into Spock’s room a handful of times as it was always awfully humid, much like the planet he had just been on. Not wanting to evade his first officer's privacy he quickly exited out into the corridor.

The corridors were always relatively quiet that early in the morning. As he walked to the turbo-lift a few members of the crew nodded at him in acknowledgment, it was pretty much impossible to sneak around the Enterprise as the captain.

“Captain on the bridge!” Someone shouted as he stepped out of the turbo-lift.

Spock who had been occupying his chair, stood up to allow him to take his place. Just as he sat down Spock’s comm went off.

“Spock is Jim there? I can’t find him” Spock raised an eyebrow and stared disapprovingly at Jim.

Crap he was going to be in trouble later.

“Don’t tell him I’m here, make up an excuse”

“Is that an order Captain?”

“Spock-”

“He is, isn’t he! I’m coming up there right now, I swear to god-”

Jim flew up from his chair, he had to hide. He ran to the turbo-lift, ignoring the confused stares of the bridge crew.

“Captain!” Spock called out as the doors closed.  
It looks like he was going to be hiding from everyone today. He stepped out onto a random floor, hurrying to his secret place. The service vents used by engineering. Making sure no one was around he hurriedly unscrewed a vent in the corridor and climbed in, placing the vent cover back behind him.

In all honesty, this was completely ridiculous, he is the captain and he’s hiding from his own crew in a god damn vent. But he really didn’t feel like dealing with anyone today. He heard people running past, presumably trying to find him. He let out a sigh, how did it come to this?

_/“Captain”/_

Spock had been known to use his telepathic abilities to contact him in dire situations, but did this really facilitate it?

_/”What is it Spock?”/_

He had learned how to share his thoughts back, with much practice, however, it required a lot of concentration.

_/”Why are you hiding?”/_

_/”I want to be alone right now”/_

_/”I must discuss with you important matters”/_

_/”Can it really not wait? And if It’s about Bones I don’t want to hear it”/_

_/“It cannot wait”/_

_/”Fine, come to vent A-112. Don’t tell anyone I’m here”/_

He trusted Spock to not betray his location. He sniffed and wiped his nose as blood began to drip onto his hand, ugh this telepathy thing was hard. After waiting a few minutes there was a knock outside the vent, Jim cautiously opened it up to find Spock waiting expectantly.

“Captain, you are bleeding”

“Shhh, get in here” He pulled Spock in, quickly closing the vent. With Spock inside, it was starting to become a little cramped “I’m bleeding because you insisted on using telepathy, It’s still hard for me to use”

“I apologize Captain”

“What is it that you wanted to tell me?”

“This is a most unusual place for such a conversation, however, if you insist” Spock said as he shifted himself into a more comfortable position “The planet that you and Doctor McCoy crash-landed onto, it is not what it appears to be. The Salvuru do not exist, the message from Starfleet was faked, someone has deceived us.”

“What? Why would someone do that? We didn’t even see anyone down on the planet”

“I believe their intention was to kill you and Doctor McCoy. The weather on the planet was unpredictable yes? I now am under the suspicion that it was being controlled”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier!”

“You were pre-occupied Captain and under a great deal of stress”

“I- Does Bones know?

The crash… It wasn’t his fault? Technically it still kinda was, like an idiot he flew into a trap.

“He does not know”

“What did Starfleet have to say about it?”

“They have sent an investigation team to inspect the planet. We are advised to leave this area of space. I have already set the Enterprise on course”

“Okay, good. Hey uhm Spock?”

“Yes Captain?”

“I think I’m ready to see Bones now…. I don’t feel…. so… good….”

Jim felt like he couldn’t breathe, he was starting to hyperventilate. The room began to dizzily spin around. Spock placed his hands on Jim’s shoulders, grounding him.

“Breathe Jim, deep breaths” Spock opened the vent and helped him out into the corridor, laying him down on his back before pulling out his comm.

“Spock to McCoy, Jim is in need of medical assistance. Deck 3, Corridor 2A”

“On my way!”

As he laid gasping for air on the floor, the lights of corridor spun around, it felt like he was having a heart attack, his chest ached as he struggled to breathe. Spock was knelt beside him, still holding his shoulders.

“Try to relax Jim, deep breaths, McCoy is on his way”

At that moment Bones came running full speed around the corner, falling to his knees beside Jim with a tricorder already in hand. Spock moved away to allow Bones to take over.

“Jim! What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Where is this blood from!?”

“He had a nose bleed Doctor” Bones looked at Spock accusingly before turning his attention back to Jim.

“C-cant...B-breathe”

“You’re okay, just breathe in and out, slowly” Bones began demonstrating taking in breaths and slowly letting them out, so Jim could do the same as him. He shakily began to copy him.

“That’s it, keep going. I’m just going to scan ya” He said as he ran the tricorder over him.

“You’re having a panic attack, just keep breathing like I showed you”

What? He was having a panic attack? How could the captain of the Enterprise be having a panic attack. After a few minutes, he managed to calm down enough to sit up, in the meanwhile Spock had cordoned off the corridor so no one could enter, he was grateful for that.

“How are you feeling now?”

“Better-ish” he lied.

“Come on, let’s get you to your room” Bones said as he helped him to stand up “You’re coming too hobgoblin”

Spock raised his eyebrow at that remark but started following behind them silently.

-*-

When they reached his quarters Jim had been banished to his bed, while Bones and Spock had a conversation in the other room, he felt like a naughty child. He really felt like he was starting to lose his mind, these past few days had been way crazy. After a while Bones entered into the room followed by Spock.

“Spock has informed me of the current situation and with that on mind, I am putting you on medical leave”

“I also think it would be beneficial for you to join me for a meditation session” Spock added.

“That’s an order actually. You ARE going to join hobgoblin for at least 1 meditation session”

“Um since when did you guys decide to become friends and gang up on me?”

“Since we both realized that you are under way too much stress right now. Plus the fact that someone possibly tried to kill you” Bones sighed.

“You have not been the same since you came back from the planet Captain. Either because of stress or perhaps some kind of contaminant from the planet”

“Firstly, they tried to kill Bones too and secondly, wouldn’t he also be contaminated?”

“We are unsure if McCoy was ever their main target. However, yes, there is a possibility”

“That’s why I am going to go on leave with you, we’ve got to figure this out”

“You know I’d normally put up a fight to stay on the bridge, but I’m honestly way too tired”

“You do realize that it’s barely even noon yet Jim? Your amount of sleep has been unusual lately...” Bones was putting a hand on his forehead again, checking for signs of a fever presumably. He had missed his warm touch.

“I must be getting back to bridge” Jim had almost forgotten that Spock was there, too absorbed in savoring the touch.

“I won’t keep you any longer. I’ll keep you updated if anything happens, let us know if you discover anything”

“I will Doctor. We will arrange a meditation session later. For now, you should both rest”

“I wish I could but I’ve gotta look after this one”

“I do agree that our Captain can be…. Troublesome at times, however, I entrust him to your care”

“Finally! Someone who understands”

“Guys, I’m still here you know” Jim jokingly acted offended.

Bones smirked and Spock was clearly hiding one.

“I apologize, Captain, I only meant it as a compliment”

“You are forgiven. Now go take care of our ship, before I change my mind”

“I will be taking my leave then Captain”

Spock turned and swiftly left, leaving him and Bones alone in his quarters once again. Wasn’t this the exact situation he had been trying to avoid this morning? Funny how that works out. He curled up in a ball on his bed and closed his eyes.

“Going to sleep again Jim?”

“Yeah. I’m tired”

“I guess your body is still recovering. I’ll be right here if you need anything”

“I know, thanks Bones...”

As he began to drift asleep he felt the need to say one more thing “I’m sorry I ran away from you this morning” He mumbled, barely audible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe I once said this was going to be the last chapter, but I think I also said that like 3 chapters ago. The story continues! :)


End file.
